Thursday, 21 August 2014

How Lonely I Can Be?

It's 21 August today, it been more than a month since my last post here. I got a job last month as a promoter at Isetan KLCC, so I was damn busy with my working life and I don't have time to write anything here. My exam result was out last month too. I did pretty bad again. I only managed to get 2.66 CGPA. And I failed one subject, which is obviously Family Law. I move on from grieving about my result already. Yeah, I did break a little (well, maybe more) but at least I did some improvement and I still need to work harder for next semester. I have done my best, I could not blame myself continuously (which I actually did whenever I remember my worst result, but I cannot give up on myself. Really really need to work very very hard for my second year.. Need to get more serious than usual I guess.. I'm just afraid I'll turns out to be someone, that even I can't recognize myself. But what else can I do to upgrade my pointer? Is there any other path that I can take except being serious to my future?

Well cut it off about pointer. It's something that I will focus when I get back to later in few more weeks. What I really want to share here is about how lonely I am now. Damn lonely. Forever lonely.

Today, I logged out from my Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Wechat. For awhile I don't wanna use that apps. I just need a break from my social life and see what difference it will make to me. I am so into my social apps and I forget that there are lots of thing that I have left behind. I am very used to staring at phone 24/7 until  I forgot to be alert to my surrounding.

My major problem is that I am that very lonely and I depends with those apps to keep me alive everyday. That is my problem. To get myself a real life again. What the heck is happening to me? Why am I feel so lonely?

Couldn't I for a day stop using those apps and live my life like a normal me few years ago without those apps? I realize that I wasted lots of my time for those social apps. Too much time wasted which I suppose to use it by doing beneficial things.

So, now am I teaching myself to not depends much on those apps. Let start a new fresh lifestyle. Why must I wasted lots of my time for the internet. It is so not healthy.

Lets just speak the truth May, you are so lonely right?

Yes I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I live in KL without my parents, just live here with my brothers whom I rarely speak with, and for 6 months I'll be living in my college with my friends, how can I not be lonely?

I am forever single and forever lonely.........

I am so stuck in my lonely world and I have no idea why is it like this and what to do.

So, to answer how lonely I can be?

I really need to make myself closer to God so that I won't feel alone. I know, still I'm alone even thou I focus much on worship God, but at least I wanna feel His presence near me everyday.. Even thou I'm alone, I want to be alone with Him.. Maybe it's the best way for me to reflect on my life.. As I depends much on those social apps, I should now stop now.