Merry Christmas ^^

Happy Christmas !!!! I have waited for 11 months and 24 days to celebrate dis season of greetings.. ^^ but its worth it. I love~ Xmas so, so much.. hehehe. so, its 3.30 am and I still awake. why do you think? b'cos I can't sleep laa.. hehe. plus, I want to update about Christmas cos I might have no chance to do it later on . as the moon hide itself and the sun take over, I will be bound up with works.. since my guest are coming over at noon, and my dad's friends will come in the evening.. hope avything will run smoothly .. :)

so, Christmas.. what do I expect this year..? present? wishes? boyfriend maybe.. hahahaha. not yet for any serious relationship with any boys. I love being single.. plus, I want to avoid that thing for now.. I want to focus on my career.. hehehehe, will try to find a career. Present... hurrmm.. I'm not into it this year.. I have everything that I needed.. so that is not my priority for this Xmas.. ~winks.

this Xmas, the only thing that I wanted so bad is to celebrate this important event in my life with my friends.. Yeah babe ! :) so, dis year my guest are many. hehe. my friends from SPM batch, STPM batch and others friends from school and my acquaintance.. did I used that word correctly?? o.O
yeah..there will be lots of my friends that are coming over my house.. I hope they will enjoy this Christmas season with me.. :) This could be my last Christmas here.. I hope so.. ^^

oh yeah, I also want to put something in this entree. Christmas is also my brother's birthday.. my third brother Amsar bin Yunus a.k.a Daud.. Happy birthday bro.. May God bless you always.. You need to be rich then give all of your properties to me.. hahahaha. Nah, just kidding. All the best in your life. Thank you for teaching me lots of things since I was a kid. You are one of the reason why I grow up become a successful student.. thanks.

He has a very good date of birthday. I envy him. =,= .. Okay now, what else to say.. Hurmm, today I'd try to deal with my friends today.. to solve the conflict between us. Since new year is coming, I don't want to end this 2012 year with a tragedy. Its not fun. Moreover, I am the person that always get involved with crisis in a friendship.. hehehehe. Fight samtimes makes the bond become firm and closer, right? so I have put my best effort to make things right.. For now, let God decide the best for all of us.. Besides, I have planned lots of things for 'em this Xmas and New Year..

ALL IS WELL

(from 3 Idiots movie)

Well, back to the title.. Dear Lord, I loved Chritmas so much b'cos I want to celebrate Christ . Thank you Jesus for avything that You gave me.. for avything that You have done for me and the unchanged and precious gift that You always wrapped me with is Your Love.. Thank you for always loving me and take care of me.. I will be a good girl for You.. I will try to  strengthen my faith for You.. Walk my way Jesus.. Thank you b'cos You willingly die to clean my sins. I owe You A LOT and the only thing that You ever asked me to so is to believe in Heavenly Father and You.. 

You will always be in my heart.. <3 Jesus Christ <3

Have A Merry Little Christmas

Be Not Judge

Less than 23hrs to go before Christmas Day.. while laying on my bed , in front of laptop and listening to Greyson Chance's song 'Sunshine and City Lights' ..its a cold and calm night right now.. but there's no moon.. :( its a short day today.. I got up at noon, then I went to Eastern Plaza around 1 pm until 6 pm.. It was full of test when I was there.. test for my patience and my faith.. to summarize my experience dealing with 5 hours that fulls of temptation, I'll write a short motivating essay.. I guess.. hahaha.

I know very well how it feels to be judge. I also judge people sometimes. and yet people love to judge me frequently. They'll judge me like they wanna throw me into hell. Judging isn't a good thing. I'd learn my lesson. We shouldn't judge people 'cos if we did, we will also confront the same thing that we did to others. I'd remember an English quotes 'what goes around, comes around' and 'what you give is what you get' . That is why people tends to say that life is like a wheel, we're living in a circle so we will face every corner of life.. Once we're up, we will also back to the bottom.. but does it 100% true? and do you really wanna deal with ups and downs throughout your life?

Okay, we really can't run from facing the ups and downs in life. Its a common thing. but why not we try to change our concept of life. For me, I'd love to compare life like 'climbing the mountain'.. Arr~ how about that? think.. think.. okay, you know, in our life, we have our own goals, am I right? so 'climbing' is the journey to achieve our goals. along the process, that's our life.. and while we climb the mount, we will have to deal with lots of rocks and stream or even wild creatures.. these are the things that we called ATTEMPTS. we need to the deal with these things. sometimes, people can't stand these attempt because they are not passionate and they did not have a strong heart to overcome their problems. That's why many people were such a loser. they don't want to fight for the life..

Only the strongest will survive...

We need to be bold. We will found many roads on the way to the top, so we also need to be clever to choose only the best decision for our life. In terms of this, we aren't only have to clever in planning our strategies, but we also need to pick the right people to help us in our life. 'Be careful in picking friends' . Absolutely. Nowadays, there are so many hypocrite person. They are good in front, but a backstabber behind. They are nice at a good time but they'll be cruel at the bad time. Its hard to find the real friend, I really meant it. But, in all this, just have the positive think that these 'bad friends' were sent by God to test our faith. We live in this world not to find friends only, but the real mission is to learn about our God. 'cos in the end, we'll be alone when we entered the new world after we die.. and we will be alone in our own grave for sure. There's no friends that gonna come along in our grave,right?  :) 

No matter how lonely you feel without friends at your side, never forget that God always be there for us... We never notice Him besides us. 

My advice is try our best to be a good friends to others and never try to persecute your friends. If they did to you, don't do the same. otherwise, you'll be the same like them. I know we are hurt inside, but let time heal it and be near to God, He will help us to get over it.. Don't hate them also, but pray for them.. afterall, they used to be your friends right.

If there is no retaliation in the world, be not worry because in the afterlife (akhirat) it will await for them. Believe in karma.

A very long journey of our life, right? I know humans are not perfect. I am not a perfect person also. I have my own weakness. But I learn from everything that happened to me. I don't want to be a naive person. to think rationally and be matured are the main element in every actions that I take. some people might not understand my way, but if they think at the bright side, they will get it. Just wait for them to grow up. :)

On top of all, life is full wonderful things. Even our 'Blues Monday' is also a good thing if we think positively. Try not to be easily manipulated by words of people. sometimes, hearing people tots and entirely believe it will only makes things getting worst. so believe in what your heart say. Don't be arrogant and too egoistic until you keep aside the right thing to do. We never know that we have done mistakes until we regret. That time, when we look back to the day that we have made a stupid action, we will know how stupid we were. the worst thing is we cannot turn back the time in order to put thing the way it supposed to be. And again, things cannot back to normal ever again.

Don't ever think that we are perfect inside and outside. We have our own weakness. Just live our life to the fullest. If we are meant to lose something, then let it go. We can't keep everything that we love. Just walk and climb until you manage to be on the top. When you did it, there are two main things that you should do.

See above - not for you to be proud of your glory, but to be THANKFUL to GOD. HE is the reason why you can achieve your goals in life. Remember God always.

See below - for you to be humble and down to earth. don't be too proud of ourselves. Just be the person like you were at the beginning. We don't have to shout and tell everyone that we're good, its more than enough to let God know it. :)

One important key of life is FAITH.

For

All

I

Trust

Him (God)

So that is my short motivating essay.. I guess it short..hehehe. Anyway, may God bless us all. Amen. :)

To Walk Away

Walk away. Just two words that are easy to say, easy to spell and easy to write. But, to do the meaning of the two words is hard and takes a huge courage and a great passion.. That is what I'm trying to do now. to walk away from my past, from my probs, and from my friends whom I known for one an a half year only.. I wonder if I'm being cruel in my friendship, but when I look back, what they have done leave a scar in my heart.. A great pain that they can never imagine. to be called betrayer is not samting that i ever wished for, nor samting that i ever wanted. They accused before they ask for the truth.. I hate the fact that friends can be a total enemy when they lost their mind..

To walk away..I took a deep breath and think deeply before I did this.. to walk away from my past. I have gone thru many shit in my past.. some leave scars, some leave pain, some leave nothing but regrets.. I have experienced bad days at sch, bad days at home.. probs with friends, probs with teachers and especially probs with family.. all these past time teach me a great things that I can't buy it anywhere with money.. I remember a time when a group of boys (my seniors form4) when I was form 3 came to my class and threatened me.. I guess they wanna beat me that time. More than 15 boys wanna beat up a 15 yrs old girl.. Ha-ha-ha.. what a crazy stuff there.. lol.. the funny thing that happened was I shout at them 'TELL ME' !! then all of them went silent, they kept quiet, none of them were speaking. I'd only asked them who was the one who sang stupid song insulting my religion.. I guess they don't understand english.. hahahaha. to my surprised, they walked away from me.. afraid when I shout like that.. hahahahaha.. what an idiot !

My past time oso leave a great memories of my crush.. when I think back, I like so many people back then.. hahaha.. I fell in love easily maybe.. Haha. Nah, nope la.. only this one guy that I met, I saw, I like.. but he can never be mine. :) u're like moon dear boy. I couldn't touch you above the sky.. but, its killing me that being a moon oso means that u are seen by everyone.. many pp adores you, like you and stars are the pp that always crowded you.. you are always crowded with many girls.. I ain't like it.. but what can I do, u're not mine, and u'll never be. U'll never notice me, a lonely girl that hoping a guy will realize that I'm actually exist.. I love your smile.. Your eyes.. Your voice.. I'll miss it all..

To leave my probs behind is a bit hard to do.. No, damn so hard to do.. My probs spinning like crazy in my mind.. samtimes I can't get rid of it.. I'll think.. think.. n keep thinking.. samtimes it drive me crazy.. I try so hard not to think too much. But I can't control my head.. so, by walking away from probs can help my brain to rest..to be free from thinking too much.. Oh, I oso overcome this 'thinking too much' by reading books.. i just love books so much.. I rili love storybooks. ;)

And finally, talking bout leaving my friend.. Yea, its mean. devastating. Nobody want to lose friend.. But we can't force ourselves to keep a bad friend in our life. They only can make our life getting worst. I'd rather live with cookie monster than living with friend whom like a real monster.. Hahahaha. Troublemaker, backstabber, slanderer or any types of friends-like-monster ..I'm used to this kind of friends.. Free advice : people like this should be removed by throwing 'em into a deep ocean and give 'em to sharks.. Cruel?? Not so cruel compare with what they did to ruin your life.. Hehe, Nah, just kidding. Leave them to God.. God knows better how to punish this monster.. so I guess its not wrong to end friendship that bring no benefits but problems in our life.. Make a good decision in your life, which is take care of your own heart.. Friends who only hurts you shouldn't be given chance..

Opportunity doesn't knock twice in your door...

Yea, if I could fall into the sky, watching you passing by, I'l give a cynical smile.. hahaha. Be aware.

I'd learn to try to let it go... :)

Frowning Heart

How do I start my story.. since its a sad story, so I was struggling with words to begin it.. This week was the hectic, tired and stressful week.. I spent lots of my time at home, doing chores and do the preparation for Christmas.. I was exhausted.. Sleep very late every night (I know I'm used to it) but still, my body was lack of rest.. I oso have eating disorder.. Since mom are sick now, she didn't cook.. so I ate maggie almost everyday.. I'm still hungry until now.. Luckily I went to town today.. and it all begin here...

My friends and I promise to hang out together today.. but, samting just happened so we have to call it off. but still can't stop me from going to town since I rili nid to run my errands at town.. Its not easy to be in my shoes.. There are lots of things that I nid to handle.. but they just can't understand the situation.. Call me a LIAR, BETRAYER or anything you wanted..you just don't understand me !!!! I'm having a stressful week and they were adding problems in my head.. THANK YOU SO MUCH .

If only they know that I rili nid a BREAK. I nid to go out from this house since I can't stand it anymore.. to keep avything inside my heart and mind.. every little and big problems.. I dun think that they even care what kind of problems that I am dealing with now.. 'cos all that they care is their feeling only.. Finally they show me truth that they never CARE ABOUT OTHERS..

Yet, I feel calm when to talk to her (KeyNa) , thanks for willingly listen to each of things that I said.. How thankful I was.. 'cos at least I feel calm a lil.. It wasn't easy to carry all the frustrating things in your heart every single day.. but I know that I'm strong enaf to face it.. I still can smile to the world, thou I cry for myself..

Yes, I was dissapointed with their behavior today.. They update on the social networks referring me and my listener for today.. Its fine.. They don't know the real situation so they acting stupidly today.. sorry to say that..

We planned, but God decide..

To conclude this story, it was heartbreaking when your own friends say bad things about you, misunderstood you and accuse you wrongly when they didn't know the truth.. to be honest, I AM SUPER DISAPPOINTED.. don't admit me as your friend if you think that I am a betrayer.. 

I hope my life will be better next time.. I rili nid to get rid of this hard situation. even harder than STPM season.. they who have a happy life, can't understand my situation.. to be called RUDE everyday, scolded.. I save too much pain in my heart and my mind.. I don't know how to rebuild my heart.. y can't I be happy like my friends?? God test me with a great pain.. but they (who I tot are my friends) crash my heart.. another test from God I guess.. 

Someone told me 'You'll face more shit in your life'.. today was one of it.. I dunno what else to say.. For the time being, I rili don't want to meet these kind of friends.. I dun even care what will they say.. I am torn.. by their words and act.. I just wish that people will stop treat me like dat.. Its enaf that I've experienced treated like a slave, like I have no feeling, what will they understand bout that?? they don't even care of others.. You guys dunno rite how I feel inside.. Nobody does !!! I'm totally sick of this life.. Everything hurts me so bad.. I lost my heart long time ago..

They didn't know how it was to cry without sound, not letting even a drop of tear to flow out from eyes.. I cry inside without anyone notice and knowing it... I am very aggrieved with my own friends.. Today was just one of my miserable and sorrowful day.. Thanks for being cruel to a broken heart..

Happening Saturday

Okay now, where should I start.. Ermm, lets c. So I spent my half of my day baking cookies again today.. bla,bla,bla.. ordinary job since Christmas is coming.. so I'm doing dis chocolate cookies.. can't explain much bout it, just take a look at it below..

it looks pretty n its a bit hard to do.. cos my backbone hurts when I did dis cookies.. hurmm, not just dat my eyes also sgt kuyu.. =,=

my first sister oso busy..

my 2nd sister helping me.. =)

my house was a bit messy today due to some renovation.. plus, a group of caroling (from my mom's church) are coming over at 8.30 pm, so I nid to work faster if I want to get out earlier from dis house..haha. I'l talk about it later.. Just check out my house today..

 my living room..there's a ladder in the middle.. hehe. dunno where else to put.

 my christmas tree.. also in the middle of living room..hehe

 my dining room.. a bit messy cos were making cookies..

 a new look ! ^^

after I finished making half of my choco cookies around 6.30 pm, I went upstairs to get ready to go to wedding event.. Its my classmate, Farah, her sister wedding.. I also make this event as an excuse for me to go out and not be able to join caroling from my mother's church..hahaha.. I'm being cruel.. but its better for me to save myself.. :D

but I'm not so mean cos I made drinks n a cake for 'em.. I forgot take pic of it.. I made 'cincau susu' and chocolate cake for 'em.. Nyum, nyum~ I told 'em to come at 8.30 pm, rite.. but they come half an hour early !! darn it.. I have to hide at the back of my house so they won't c me.. hahahaha.. I feel like stupid behind.. Andik, (my fren who sapos to fetch me) come very late.. I guess 8.30 pm he came with Boboi.. What the!

Okay, move on to the next story.. I arrived at Kompleks Sukan Tawau, where the wedding was held inside hall.. Woah~ Red ! I can't believe they choose color red as the colour theme. It was beautiful.. I mean their wedding decoration elegant and gorgeous !! Luckily I wear red casual blouse that time.. Just perfect! haha.. and so we eat, I was so excited when I saw 'daging' !! Wooo~ I rili love eating meat.. but I dunno what kind of meat that I ate that time,,whether its 'lembu' or 'kambing', I'm not sure.. most important thing, its delicious~ !! I enjoy my food A LOT ! cos oso got mango mix with green tomato, what??! I never try it before but I rili, rili like it ! hahahaha..

Only me, Boboi, Andie, Norma n Noy (Realis's team) went to dis wedding.. the rest cannot make it.. :(
but we having a great time together.. we snap a few photos.. but I didn't have photo with Farah.. =( but Norma have it.. I'l take from her next time.. so, this was my moment there...at wedding.

the wedding day as I said..

 Noy and Norma..

 Me, with Andie on my left and Boboi on my right.. sweet !

 Andie and Noy.. Noy is like wearing contact lens laa..hehe

 Me and beautiful Norma..

Red to red..me and Boboi.. ^^

I look tired here.. took so long to take dis pic.. I was tired of smiling.. hahaha.

oh ya, I got two beautiful gift from dis wedding.. I LOVE IT !! :)

The box wrapped with green ribbon is the special one that Farah prepared for us.. The big one is from her mom.. hehe. Advance cos I got two....
Inside it is....

I rili love that glass bottle.. ^^  oso that 'potong kuku'.. I rili nid one cos I lost mine! hahaha..

from the wedding ceremony, about 10 pm, I didn't go straight to home, cos I dun want to back home early, so the three of us (me, Boboi and Andie) went to town at Empire hang out, drink and eat SAYAP PANGGANG... Nyum ! Nyum ! it was cool ! we talked a lot..while eating.. lots of people there, I rili love the wind blew on me.. feel so cold yet calm.. while texting with Keyna, Rierien and Esh, they told me to go home cos it was late night oready..but I ignore them.. I wanna have fun tonight.. hahaha.. Near 11.30 pm we decided to go home.. but I dun want the night to end.. I love hanging out with my friends.. thou I'm the only girl with two guys..hehe. They are good friends of mine. :)
I arrived at home near 12 o'clock I guess.. who cares? hahaha..

when I arrived, I nid to continue making chocolate cookies.. Luckily, I'm not tired.. Thanks to my Insomnia, I am very active at night, so I have good energy at night..hehe. This is it ! My choolate cookies.. =)

cute right.. hehehe.. I finished at 2 am and I started surfing internet until right now blogging.. hehe. I guess I nid to get on my bed now cos first thing in the morning I nid to clean my house then went shopping with my sisters.. =)  I love shopping..

I'l close today story with the picture of my Christmas tree.. in rememberence of my unforgettable Saturday night hanging out to wedding event and went to town late night.. ^^ super awesome !!

can't wait for Christmas.. ^^ God bless me..

12-12-12

The very special date..n full of memories.. people were excited bout dis date, n I am one of it 'cos lot of things happened to me on dis date.. First of all, I'm FREE on dis day.. m no longer a student.. I finished my sch today, my last STPM exam , my last day wearing sch unform, my last day going to sch (as a student), n shud be the last day of it. ^^ I know I have done lots of mistakes dis one n a half year as a student, but I'd try to change..as best as I could. I'l transform myself when I walk into new year of 2013.. only a few days ahead..

On dis date, I have paper BM1 exam at 2pm.. It was a bit confusing.. I was stress.. I'm too afraid.. Dunno y. I hope avything just fine.. As soon as we hear the wisel from the teacher in charge, my fren burst into shout.. I was smiling.. This is it.. The final end of our journey together as REALIS.. I rili miss them.. We gona take a diff road after dis.. We might not see each other so often, but we try to be close in our heart.. Till death separate our body but not our soul.. =)

So we spent almost 20 mins capturing pictures before we heading home.. These are some photos that I love the most... Well, I love all of it.. But  I can only upload a few of it.. Check it out..

This is my lovely friends.. On my left, Keyna.. On my right, RieRien.. I'm in the middle..hehe

This is me with my OC group.. On my left, Putlih n on my right is Sue.. I love them both.. ^^

I'l try to upload the rest of the photos next time..hehe. I'm gonna miss sch period.. Thou dis sch left so much pain, yet also give me so much happiness.. The great thing is, I finally free from all of sophisticated things that crowded my life..

Back to 12-12-12, I spent my day at ABC after finished exam.. Then I went shopping with my sys.. Back home having rest for awhile, then busy baking cookies.. Since Christmas is around the corner, I was busy baking n cleaning my house.. So much work to do.. Yet still cant overcome my insomnia.. I still hard to sleep at night.. Such a nuisance..

So, the date of 12-12-12 is just a number..ordinary wednesday but lots of things happened that make dis day special.. In short, thou REALIS 2011/2012 end today, our friendship has no ending.. I love all of you .tagging : Sue, Putlih, Dira, Rina, Keyna, Rynn, Eija, Farah, Norma, Noy, Andi n Boboi.. 12-12-12 is the number of my dearest classmates of REALIS at SMK TAWAU.. Goodbye sch and welcome myself to a new world of grown up girl..

All the best for the next, next day.. May God bless me always. Amen,

Crying Altogether

Crying... Yup.. Cry is what we did together today. Me and my classmates. Mr. Taufik gave a talk to motivate us. It turns out that my friends burst into cry. I didn't. I can't cry at the moment thou Mr.Taufik mention about mom, dad, family, teachers and friends.. Its not that I have no feeling at all or what, I just can't feel sad (but I did feel regret inside) at the moment.. but, when he told us to say sorry to one another, I can't help myself from crying. I can feel that all of us are going to separate soon.. Each of us will go on our own way.. We might not see each other anymore.. Maybe we will, but it will take a long time before we meet again. I can feel the sad atmosphere when I almost finished my studies. I will miss my friends.. My REALIS.. A lot. I love them..

I cry rite now.. Damn so hard. I just hate to cry in front of people cuz I can't say any words when I'm crying. I wonder what will happen in the future. I'm gonna miss all my classmates. They are one of the closest people next to my heart. I'l pray the best for them. I'll pray for them.. Hopefully they will pass their exam with flying colors together with me.. Amen..

Dear God, please take care of these friends when we are apart. They are the kindest, sweetest and loving friends I ever met. I love them with all my heart. I wouldn't trade anything for this friendship with them.. They're the best classmates ever.. =)

 I hope everything will run as smoothly as the clock for our STPM. Please bless all thirteen of us.. Guide us to the road of glory. and help us to keep humble and firmly believe in our God..

I have something undone with them. The tradition of each year of my class. Confession n Forgiveness. I hope I can do that for my Realis before STPM so we can vanish every negative feeling towards each other in the class.. 

I think its enaf for now.. Bless me Jesus. =)   amen. 

 

Deactivate My FB acct

Helo blog.. Its been a few months I left you without any news.. Well, just now I have deactivate my fb acct.. Lots of things had happened currently.. I can't say much things rite now cuz I'm using mobile phone.. I'l update everything about my current news first thing in the morning.. GTG.. =,=

Prayer for My Muet: Speaking

Yesterday was the biggest day of any days in July.. its MUET day.. n for yesterday, I sat on MUET: SPEAKING. the night before that, I text lots of my frens, asking them to pray for me. I got a lot of good responds.. my dearly classmates (Piranalands) and some of my closest frens.. they were all pray for me.. I feel blessed. I'm feeling lucky cuz lots of people loves me and care for me.. :)

Among all the good responds that I got, I was touched by this one single text from someone. Saying :

"Ini saya. (Name of the person - sorry but I have to make it secret) Insyaallah.. Jgn risau kak.. Biar la saya wakilkan kakak utk solat hajat.. Nnt jam 2 mlm sy solat hajat, sbb lbh afdal dn mudah dimakbulkan.. smoga berjaya kak.. Amin.."

He's a good boy.. I am very thankful to him.. He's one year younger than me.. My junior at SMK Jalan Apas.. I prayed that God will repay his kindness to him.. He actually made me feel worthy in this world.. I never imagined that someone willingly perform prayer ---> "solat hajat" for me..  Such a good kid.. May God bless you always dear boy..

So, talking about MUET: Speaking, avything went well yesterday for me..but the whole group, I dun think so. "This is b'coz" ..hahahaha.. well, my groupmates was too nervous. They were less talk. For task A, three of my groupmates were keep silent most of the time.. Eija only greet the examiners and fellow candids, but then she keeo silent.. and so does Farah and Mustaqim.. my goodness.. I can't say much about them.. for task A, I talk too much n did not make it to conclude my opinions..

Meanwhile, for task B, O~ my God.. Disaster.. I try my best to urge my friends to talk, but they keep silent.. silent.. refuse to talk.. and bite their tongue.. :'( sobbs~ sobbs~ ..I persuade candid A, B and D to talk to me, give me their point of view or just simply say whether they agree or not wif me.. ermmmm, anyway, I just give my best.. thinking of them, I dun know if I was being mean as they were very down and upset wif themselves. :'(

okay, my topic for Speaking was about  a person wana further his/her study to a higher education, so, what will be the most useful source to seek for information..

Candid A- talking to parents and relatives.
Candid B- going to exhibition or public shows
Candid C- source of media
Candid D- meet the counsellor

Pretty easy right, but the nervous almost killed us..hehehe. I can only pray and hope for the best now.. I am candid C. I talk about media as a worldwide source, without boundries, closer to the students and provide lots of latest news.. so, I am now  be prepared for Reading, Writing and Listening.. oh God, please help me and bless me.. :)

Oh ya, before I forgot, my examiner is handsome!!! hahaha.. he looks like Iqram Dinzly.. what amazed me is that his English is very good and I love to hear every words that come out from his mouth.. He's soft-spoken and kind.. Credit for him. :)

so, I ges thats all for my story about Muet: Speaking.. "Yes, I agree wif you".. hahaha.
I sleep a lot dis few days, my goodness.. When will I change.?? May-May !! Exam is around the corner.. promise yourself, today is the last day you did that not useful and bring no benefit habit !

Yeepii!!!.. Speaking task is over.. ^,^

what~ a great day !! full of excitement and was overwhelmed by the nervousness.. grrrr~ Its was raining as I woke up 5.15 a.m in the morning.. woah! I remember dat the rain started from 1.00 a.m in the morning.. a very long hours of raining.. I wonder if he did make it 'solat hajat' for me.. Thank Heaven if he does, but even if he didn't make it, I'll still be thankful to him.. a very good boy indeed.. :)

Lets get started my story of the day.. so, after recess, (10.00 a.m), we went straight to the counselor's room. we waited there before we go into the examination room. the atmosphere was mix wif lots of feelings. we were scared, nervous, happy, excited, thrilled n many more feelings ! hahaha. oh my english!!.

as Andik n Rynn came out from the examination's room, we attacked them wif lots of questions.. hehe. we asked about how did they do?? their question, the examiners, did they say much things n so on.. but, the ONE and ONLY thing that caught my attention was the examiner is HANDSOME.. hahahaha.. my goodness!! really??! I totally can't wait to see the examiner face to face.. ~winks.

so, as the clock was tik..tok..tik..tok.. we were called by one of the examiner called Murphy. grrr~ so nervous.. I think it was near 11.30 a.m .. the environment of the room was good and pleasent.. all of my worries and anxiety were gone as I went inside of the room. yet, my hands were shaking and I can't help it..hehehehe. but, I feel calm and comfortable at that moment.. I pray a lot.. n I know my friends pray a lot for me too.. that is why I can have the serenity in my heart and mind. :)

so, the task started. the question is about me (I put myself as the person in the Q) who wants to have a higher education. so, from which source that I can ask about the matter regard. the points given are :

Candidate A : talking to parents and relatives

Candidate B : from the exhibitions or any public shows

Candidate C : source from the media

Candidate D : talking to the counselor

I am Candidate C, so I talked about media.. giving my point about media as the worldwide source, without boundries, provide latest news and information, closer to the people and sharing of avything from the mass media including the top ranking U's and courses that are available.. I talked pretty fast and louder (I ges so). I did not manage to make my conclusion cos I talked too much! Idiot!.

from task A we move on to task B..group discussion.. It was a disaster.. Y did I said like that? okay, here's the thing, my friends Eija, Farah and Boboi keep silent most of the time during the discussion. I try to help them out by asking them to talked to me.. Urge them to give their point of view, but they didn't do much.. Farah say a little thing.. I try to ask her question, but then she keep silent.. whereas Boboi did not agree wif me, he give me one point but then he keep quiet.. Eija didn't say anything.. her face went red all the time.. I wonder if she was too nervous or what? I was trapped in my own question.. I try to invite avyone talking but they did not help me much.. ;(  b'cos of the silent atmosphere, the examiner, Mr.Handsome asked me to give my opinion first.. I love his English. he said, 'y dun u give your opinion first Candidate C'..

Trembling B'coz of Fear

Its my big day tomorrow.. I dunno how to explain my feeling rite now. I am very nervous, scared, excited n mostly thrilled ! hehehe.. How not, cos tomorrow I'll be sitting for my MUET: SPEAKING. I'm afraid that I can't answer their question. No matter how good you speak in English, but if you can't find the points of your topic, YOU DIE !. grrrrrr~

I can only hope for the best rite now.. I have a lot of sample questions for the last few year exams on MUET: SPEAKING.. the topic is quite hard but some of them are easy b'coz its based on KBKK (skills to think creatively and critically) .. BUT! as you walk to the exam's room, do you think you can think calmly?! absolutely NO. b'coz your will be overwhelmed by your fear!! FEAR oh FEAR..please be good to me, come for the goodness not for the badness. :)

I wana text all my friend tonight, asking them to pray for me. Their prayer (next to family's prayer) are very-very (oh my english!) important to me.. Oh God, please bless me tomorrow. Help me Jesus. Hopefully my exam may run smoothly. I'm terrified !

I also wana pray for my dear classmates n groupmates. I pray that they can do their best. May their fear will not gona make it difficult for them to focus. I know they can do it, they just need to be more confident n not afraid too much. the same goes to me. ~winks.

Oh ya, btw, today is my teacher bufday. Felly L.Umbul. I used to call her Ms.Felly, but she's oready tied the knot, so now I called her Madam Felly. hehehe. Teacher, I miss you so much! Have a blessed birthday this year. I missed the moment when we celebrated you bufday in 2009. I made surprise for you, I bake a cake n I suddenly appeared in the class where you're teaching. hehehe. You were surprised and happy. I really missed the moments wif you. You're far away now (at Tenom which is her hometown) yet I still can reach you by using Facebook. I dunno your phone number. I wana call you if I have a freetime later.

Oh dear.. Its time for me to prepare for my big day tomorrow. I promise to update avything that happen tomorrow. to write about how things go tomorrow. anyway, put a sincere smile on my face n be humble. I hope the examiners will be fascinated wif me tomorrow..hehehe. I'll be myself. 

Confident is important when it come to English. Its my secret of success. no one can help you, except yourself. dun be shy when it come to English, nevertheless dun be cocky. ! English is not something that you can be proud of, its a responsibility. you need to use your ability wisely.

Hopefully avything goes well tomorrow. Oh Heavenly Father, bless me. Please help me to get a better result for my MUET. To get the suitable level for me to be someone like a lawyer. I wana get Band6. hehehe. but, please bless me to get Band4 or Band5. Its more than enaf. But I'll work it out to get Band6. I said this things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

(,^^)

A Day Before MUET

Its July 3rd oready.. I'll sit on my MUET: Speaking on July 4th.. Less than 24h to go.. grrr~ I'm very nervous right now.. the only thing that I can do is to pray. May God bless me. Amen.. I'll do my very best for speaking.. I'll put an extra effort to work it out by today.. :)

Its Monday yesterday, n I face a hard time.. I woke up late b'coz I went to bed very late --> at 3a.m . I was busy writing notes for MUET. Too busy till I didn't realize the clock was clicking.. moving.. and it never stop.. I was very sleepy during assembly. :( I yawned for a few times wif my watery eyes.. The assembly took more than an hour. My goodness, I didn't grumble,I just stay quite cos my brain was tired. The sch give prizes for the students who did very well during last exam. For those who got the first to the third place in class..but based on the level set. For Form6 studs, Art - nid to achieve pointer of 2.75 above, meanwhile, for Science - 2.50 above. I got the first place in class wif my pointer 3.17 . It was not good enaf. n I dun think I deserve to go up to the stage and take the prize. :( but, Thank You Jesus, that prize is a bless from You.. I am very grateful for that.

I did not off to home directly after sch was over. I stayed at sch wif my frens. Discussing and preparing for MUET. we have a good time together.. strengthen the bond between us. when I reached town, I went to Maybank for transaction. I reached home at 4.30p.m . Jesus! How tired I was. I fell asleep wif my sch uniform, then I got up at 10p.m in the night. My goodness! A very long sleep. My brain was too tired, plus I was too sleepy. I did not have my dinner until now. Damn so hungry. I'll eat at sch, 1st thing in the morning tomorrow.

I nid to check on my history essay right after this. so I dunno what time I'll go to bed tonight. I am very crazy. It was like I am torturing myself. Lack of sleep, lack of rest n starving. May oh May, please dun keep on doing this. I did not take good care of myself. :( I'll try my best not to do this frequently. 

Recently, I have finished reading a novel titled 'Ayat-Ayat Cinta' . Des no word that I can say to express my feeling about the novel. That novel is spectacular. I admire the author. The way he wrote the novel is interesting n I can easily fell in love wif the theme of the novel and all the issue that he explained in his novel. I love the character that he wrote. Its a very great novel. I'm looking forward to buy another 3 novels that he (Habiburahman) wrote, which are KCB1, KCB2 and DMC .. I've been waiting for a long time for the novels, I just have to collect money to get it now. ~winks.

I'm in the process to change myself right now. Say that I'm freak, but I'm trying to be as good as Aisyah and Maria from the AAC novel. trying to take care of my personality as a girl. In this world, there are a lot of girl who did not act like a real girl. I'll explained it next time, I'll try to find the materials first before I tell the reality of the nowadays girl.

Gotta go rite now. Time for me to study. Goodnight Heaven.

---> I wonder if Heaven have the days and nights??

Heavy Rain, Heavy Heart.. (,")

Its raining outside now..pretty hard. my heart pushes me to update samting here in my blog.. Lots of things happened recently.. I have hit it off wif my frens.. Its not good to prolong the fight.. Its better to drop avything down n just be good like usual.. Yeah, dats us. We fight a lot, yet we love each other a LOT, n I mean VERY MUCH.. hehehe. anyway, its good to have things back to normal.. we just leave the past n keep on supporting each other. Its common in life, about arguments and bury the hatchet (make peace) ^^

A pretty tired week this week.. guh ! I sleep a lot n went out a lot too.. Lots of works n I nid to run my errands.. I rili nid a good rest this weekend. Look forward to have it.. Hopefully des no obstacle for me to have my good-long-rest.. ~amen.

Its been almost a week I went to sch. I rarely see that person. I prayed each morning to God, asking Him to get rid of dis feeling inside my heart. I dun want that 'gift' anymore. God, please take that love from me. I am very thankful for the gift, but I must say that I am hurt b'coz of dat that gift. A gift that only I just feel it n not for the other party. Its a disaster for me. so, I'm willingly asking you to take back dis love. Its not the right time yet for me. Please keep it for someone who worth it. I remember a quote, saying :

Anda tak perlu susah-susah mencari pemilik tulang rusuk ini, 

kerana biarkan pemilik tulang rusuk

tersebut yang mencari tulang rusuknya..

Absolutely.. we dun have to waste our time looking for someone who meant to be our partner in life. Let Him do His job. He has made that desicion for us. so, for the time being, just focus on your job. Got it ! no worries, no doubt. n dun feel sorry for yourself if you didn't get what chu want.. Just take it as a reality in life that we shud face whether we like it or not.

----> I remember dat night, when I text that person.. Replied : haven't sleep yet.. heavy rain, heavy heart, rite?.. I remember almost avything about that person, but did the person do the same too? The answer is NO. I knew the answer oready, so y do I have to hurt myself? I lied to myself. I'm very cruel to myself. I insist to do something that hurt myself, that killing me inside.. I was empty-headed.. Senseless. Yet, I can't avoid it.

To be honest, I'm trying very hard to take my mind off of avything about the past. After all, past is past. I should'nt waste my time thinking about the past n just prepared for the present day n the future.. That will be more good. Avything gona be fine. Just keep cool. Its not the end of the world yet. Thou I missed the chance, perhaps God has prepared something even good than the one that got away. ~winks.

I say this for a millions time oready, its time to MOVE ON. step forward without looking back. Its okay to be mean for dis kind of situation dat only I know it. so,  dun regret avything that have happened. Its good to learn something new. You might hurt, but you must remember, despite the dark clouds, there is a hidden colorful rainbow. so, being a loser means that you are growing up being more matured. Its a process of learning. 

Thank you for the experience. At least, I learnt that I deserve someone who worth my heart and my love. I will not gona let myself trapped in your charm, nor be under your spell forever.. Its a fantasy world only. I nid to wake up n get back to reality, which sometimes is pretty hard for me to accept. no matter what, I still nid to take it n keep it in my pocket.

I learnt a lot over half of the year. Its an experience that I can't get it or buy it anywhere. I am very grateful for avything. Thank Heaven.

I should leave my by now. Nid to get on my bed.

I love you dearly, Father in Heaven & Jesus Christ. Amen..

Celebrating the events .. ^,^

Big grin on my face.. hehehe. Yesterday, my family n I celebrated Father's Day n my sys's bufday, Nelly..

early in the morning before dat, I went to sch for kokum.. so tired.. then, I went out wif my frens n head back home at 2pm.. but then, I went back to town, went for shopping wif my sys.. woah~ pretty tired for a day.. at night, we have dinner as a family.. I was too sleepy while I was eating.. unfortunately, I sleep very late last night.. I went to bed at 1 a.m. :'(  hard to sleep..

we took a few pictures last night.. :')

 a picture of me n my sys.. there are chicken (nyum2x) n a cake there.. my fevret cake, chocolate cheese cake from Secret Recipe..it cost RM92 (plus G-tax ofcoz).. omg! so expensive ! but, super delicious !!

dis is my sys, Nelly .. smile~

n dis is me..hehehe..

while dis is the cake..dat cost almost a hundred.. looks weird, rite? but, TRUST ME.. dun judge a cake by its appearance cuz dis cake is super duper yummy n marvelous .. heavenly !

rite now, m pretty hungry. so I wanna grab some food downstairs.. I'l update my story next time..

from time to time, I'l stay strong.. for dis feeling inside.. I'l keep it.. not gonna destroy it. ~winks.

Put The Blame On Me.. TQ.

I got a message today.. saying :

       "sebenarnya aku pun dua hati mau sms ko ni, but I have too.. aku xtau d mana silapnya hubungan kita ni. aku xtau apa salahku dgn kau, lau ko marah pun ble explain. klu ada masalah bgtau. senang beb. tp lau kau mau rosakkan persahabatan kita, mmg aku sedih.. tp klu ko rasa ko bahagia dgn caramu.. aku cuba trima, tp apa salah kami?? bru aku ingt ko pernah ckp dulu dgn aku psl kwn kt.. 'Aku xkisah klu aku perlu kehilangan sahabat mcm dia" . skrg sy sedar xmustahil kamu ble ckp mcm tu gak dgn aku. kami tau la ko byk kwn.. tp sgup ya ko buat sahabatmu bgini, tahniah laa beb. Terima kasih. smoga bahagia dgn hidupmu skrg" ..

Trust me, I read dis while I was crossing the road.. Lucky me, nothing hit me physically.. but deep inside, my heart is injured.. How could they said like dat.. They put avything (ol de blame) on me.. :'(
so I replied ..

       "sebelum kmu tuduh aku mcm2, cak ko pikir la balik apa yg jadi smpai keadaan jd mcm ni. aku penat mau jd boneka kmu, yg kmu cri bila kmu rasa mau bcakap dgn aku, n buat derk bla kamu bosan dgn aku.. aku xkesah kmu ckp aku bg2, sbb aku sedar diri bh, aku tau aku xlayak mau bkwn dgn org mcm kamu. aku xlayak mau bdampingan dgn kamu..klu pun aku ramai kwn, xpyhlah aku kena tanggung suma benda sndirian.. lbh baik kamu pikir balik apa makna kwn bg kamu.. aku penat mau pendam2..ada kwn tp mcm xda kwn.. aku cuba hilangkan diri dari kamu sbb aku tgk e2 sak caranya buat kamu bahagia. pernah kmu tpikir, knp skrg bru mau cri aku? tp cari aku sbb tuduh aku tglkan kamu. apa yg jadi tem cuti tu ko ingt? bila aku cuba hubungi kamu, tp apa aku dpt? bahagia bah aku, bahagia sgt bila aku skadar kwn time kamu perlukan.. aku korbankan sumanya utk kluar dari hidup kamu, tp masi jgk aku dilayan buruk.. aku mls mau benci kwn sendiri, mls mau abaikan kwn sendiri. jd aku cuma ikut rentak kamu.. kamu kan ada hidup msing2.. apalah makna kwn bg kamu. xperlu bh kan kamu tny kabar kwn kamu stiap hari.. bkn kamu tau jgk bila masa dia kecik hati atau apa.. seronok bah jd begitu. klu aku bdiam diri tu satu dosa bg kamu, terpulang dgn kamu.. aku pun xtau mau ckp apa sudah. Thanks krn hadir dgn satu tuduhan yg x berasas. xperlu sms aku klu dua hati.. dari dulu sampai skrg, aku xperlu sbrg paksaan dlm persahabatan. aku pun xmau ganggu org yg xmau diganggu." ...

so, dat was the very long text dat I send back in return. I can feel the atmosphere wasn't good.
I dunno what to say now, I was just trying to find my own serenity.. they didn't want me at de time I need them. so I walked away wif my broken heart.. :'( but they said dat I'm the one who leaving them.. It was so..I'm speechless for their words.. (.")

just now at sch, my teacher said, LOVE isn't eternal, whats eternal is RESPONSIBILITY. I realize dat I have lots of my uncompleted works. so, I nid to be responsible for it. maybe I should leave the past. Move on. I'm used to it, LOSING MY BEST FRIENDS..
maybe I wasn't good enaf to be their best friends.. Its a fact.

there may be the best out there. I just have to wait for the right time.. then, I'll put my efforts to get it. I shouldn't feel depressed for this matter.. It will only interfere my concentration on education. I nid to improve my perfomance at sch.. Dear Lord, I am very sad now.. Please help me not be overwhelmed by this feeling.. Its killing me inside.. :'(

I have said lots of things here in my blog, cuz I dun wana keep everything inside.. Dis is how I express my feeling, problems and happines..

okay now, I wana put dat prob aside first, cuz I wana tell about what had happened today. ~winks.

In short, today my sch run sports activities.. It was fun and funny and...and awesome thou I was trembling for fear.. hahaha. so, what I fear the most was~ I have to do all four activities which are 80 meter racing, high jump, long jump n throwing a ball (bola lisut).. today, I have finished wif ol three xtvt except for long jump.. N guess what??!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. O my God, for the first time in my life, I jump, I run (used to it, but not in public, especially concern wif RACE!!) n I throw !.. :'D

It was totally crazy laa.. ok, first of ol, I have to jump.. what a freak !! I was shivering!! Ckg.Aisyah warned me if I didn't jump, I'll DIE..hahaha. so, I did run n JUMP !!! whee~ hahahaha.. yet still fail.. hahahahaha. the iron bar falling.. :D  but, at least I jumped n I manage to lie on the mattress.. hahahahaha

then, we go to the 2nd xtvt, throwing ball. I'm not dat strong enaf, I just throw it away.. hahaha. N guess what, that guy (^,^) was over there (few metres right in front of me) when I throw away dat ball.. hahaha. I missed the chance to throw at him.. a short shot ! ;p didn't hit him.. hahahaha

and here it goes..! the most terrifying xtvt, racing..!! oh my ! Jesus ! for God sake, I have to run again dis year?!! watta hell !!. geez ! I run, wif ol my heart.. AHAHAHAHAHA. pretty fast but yes, FUNNY. my teacher Ckg.Hayati laugh out loud watching me~ running. oh, dear Lord.. It was so crazy.. hahahaha.
but I have fun.. I run~ lalalalalala~ so funny. fheww~ ol my probs were gone during dat moment. The only thing that filled my head was 'finish it! get on the line! towards the end! must run to the finish line!'

dats life.. we nid to overcome many obstacles in order to reach the end of our journey..
so, I must not give up easily and I nid to be strong.. God will owez be wif me..
He loves me.

# oh boy, I heard samting about you today.. now I have to forget you.. :'(
   you are no longer available for me.. hell !

My Heart Breaks..but not Breakeven.

Yeah.. 1st day of sch was not fun at all.. It was WORST, HORRIBLE n HEARTBREAKING.. m very PISSED OFF !!!!!!!!!!. but entirely b'coz of my own mistakes jgk.. :'(  ..first thing in de morning, we have assembly.. bad morning ! I was laughing (juz a little) but then my teacher (classic literature) scolded me by simply saying "whats so funny,hah??!!" ..o my feelin !! das hurts laa !.. how shame I was at de moment.. juz be patient laa, what else can I do..wasn't my mistake baa at dat time. One of dis teacher approached me n asking me, y did my class only have one boy standing in front (assembly), where r the rest?. so I burst into laugh laa.. but mr.M (my teacher) was pissed. ;p

so, we have a long day during assembly.. hahahaha.. so great laa ! sakit kaki saya !.. I was daydreaming during assembly, so I didn't bother to hear ol the input during assembly.. ~winks. back to my class, me have MUET period.. dun remind me, next month (July), I will sit on my Muet exam... grrrr~ so scared laa ! Nid to work harder dis month. I dun care bout sport day anymore.. troublemaker btl !

... I wana tell bout what happened during the last two periods.. I was so sleepy at dat time, n my teacher keep on babbling in front, I juz ignored it.. ;p ...can't stand laa. I rili nid to sleep dat time. :'( ..when he gave me my paper, he laughed at me cuz I only got 82% .. sobbs~ sobbs~ ..I know, it was bad.. n he told me "tanda-tanda awal sudah" .. HA-HA ..so funny yaa.. juz like a symptom yaa. ;p

anyway, I'll try my best next exam.. ^^,  I promise myself, I dun wan my teacher to look down at me.. n I down wan to look down on myself also.. Its about time for me to realize that I nid to do something. I still have time. Dun trust anyone who said dat I'm running out of time, cuz I haven't. Btw, the last thing dat I wana do wif numbers is to catch up. ;p

I used to be a very positive girl, I did ol de time. But my head is full of things..kinda imaginative. U know, I love to imagine lots of things..the important n not important things.. It waste my time, but I can't help myself.. :(

I didn't force my brain to think of it, but I always did it, not in purposely.. I dunno how to avoid it.. I'll think of samting..to help out my brain from doing such thing..hehe

Its kinda late at night now, but I still can't sleep.. I'll die by tomorrow.. I'l be sleepy at sch. My goodness. Y do I have to get Insomnia.. Its killing me.. :'(

Last but not least, no matter what will happen dis coming morning, I dun wan to be sad. dun wan to be frown. no,no,no !! juz put a smile on my face, n get over it.. ~winks ^^,

p/s : I saw him, dunno if he saw me.. My heart race, its hurting me.. but I'll stand my ground.. :)

Who I Am in Your Heart and Eyes??

I wana tell u something, friend ...

" Things were not de same anymore. Its diff now. Between u n I. What happened? Our friendship isn't de same like we used to be. :'(  Its getting hard for me. I dunno how u feel, but I feel worst. Its killing me, pushing me down wif dis friendship. I wana go out. Let me free. I dun want to stuck in dis situation anymore, if you feel dat u have found ur happiness without me at ur side, then I'l accept it. I'l go, I'l walk away. I'm not a toy here. I'm not a dead-living-girl. I'm your friend, or was your friend. I hate the fact dat you will walk away from me without telling me goodbye. Dun u care bout my feelin?? (feels like I wana cry out loud now). You leave me, friend ! I hate that. That I depends too much on you. He's right, he once said that pp changed, n so does you. You hurt me now. You made me feels like I'm a 'rubbish'. Your acts show that you didn't need me anymore. I get you. You have your own life, n so does me. So, I'l leave you behind now. Dun blame me, if someday when you try to find me again, I'm not there. Cuz I'm sick of waiting for pp that didn't appreciate me. Who thinks that I'm a super cool that you can have me or waste me as you like. You are so wrong. I wana be a friend not a toy. Yes, I'm pretty mad now. Mad, b'coz my friend didn't assume me as their friend. I was just a spare part. Rite? Thats hurt.. totally hurt. I'l take my time to forget all of you. Cuz I know how strong I am. I can survive without you. May you find your own happiness. Goodbye, ex-friend.

                                                                                                                           May-May.

I wish I can tell you dat.. If only you know what I feel inside my heart. I hate it. I wana delete it. I dun wana hate my own friend. Do you know, dat next to God n my family, friends are the most important pp in my heart? I'm willingly to sacrifice avything just for my friends.. But, not avyone can do dat. :'(

I lost a friend.. 

I'l find a new one in the future. For the time being, God will be my best friend. He will not gona let me go.

When I find a new friend, I'l say "dun let me go" . Never do like they did.

Lets change the mood. I'l let you go. I oready take my time. I can accept the fact now. I'm setting out for something new. so, goodbye my past .. =.=

Looking forward for sch to be open again.

Last but not least, I love you Jesus.. ^,^

Talking about FAITH ..

Ermmm... (thinking mod) so, I was reading a book juz now.. "Reasoning from the Scriptures" . I turned to page which discuss about Faith. I admit it, dat I was absolutely lack of faith juz before I read the book. Meaning dat now I'm not.. hehe. I was thinking, how can I acquire faith?? Then the book give me the answer ---> Faith follows the thing heard.. so, I nid to find (first thing to do) what is my main priority, thus I can strengthen my conviction then I can convinced of the reliability.. Pretty hard to understand,huh? Ok, like this, with the heart one exercises faith. In order for me to gain my faith, I nid to discover what I want to have faith in. For instance, if I wanna strengthen my faith towards God, I nid to get to know Jehovah and His way of doing things first. N this will take time b'coz before we build faith into something, it will took a long time to prove that we can have faith in it.

So, what do I know about Faith?? For me, (thinking as a matured girl), Faith comes from my heart, which means something or someone dat I put my trust on it or him/her as I believe in it (him/her) . The question is, do I have faith in myself? before we can have any faith into something, we rili nid to hav faith in ourself first. M now tryin to gain my faith again. I've lost it before n now I'm seeking for it again. I'm sorry I did dat. :'(  I was lack in faith towards myself. How idiot I was. But dats not imprtant anymore, cuz I'd realize my mistakes now, n I want to fix everything.

Forgive me, God . :'(

I wan to be 'born' again. Be a new person. With a new hope. God will guide my way dis time, I will let Him, even if it means dat I nid to leave behind ol de things dat I wan to chase before but aren't the things dat He planned for me. "Aku redha, Aku pasrah" . I will do as You said, God. Your commands are my priority now. I shouldn't waste my time for something useless. I have waste 18 years n now I nid to pay back another 18 years of my life just for you. I will focus on You, my Lord, as well as I will focus on my study. ^^

I feel better now. Less stress n more peaceful. Thank you Jesus. I love being wif You. Living in your grace n mercy. I'd promise myself to be a better person. M not goin to promise anything to You, cuz I will look like I'd tried to do crime (rasuah) .. ---> bad thing!

First thing to do now is to finish ol my sch works within 3 days juz before the sch-break is over..hehehe. Focus May !! u can do it.. cuz I owez did... ^^

I know u can control ur feeling much more better now, isn't it? cuz God with me. For He owez did.

Leave the past behind you. Dun look back if its only gona hurts you. They used to be ur frens, but now they didn't. so, I nid to move on, forget ol the things that I planned to be my future n be prepared for what He has planned the future for me. N for my unconditional feelin inside dis little heart in myself, I'll keep it..forever. As I said, I'll love u, even if it hurts.. Love u more, even if it hurts me more. N still gona love u, thou it hurts even more. will owez love you till it hurts no more.. so does the love toward you, my Lord will stay in my heart..N next to you is Him.. :')

I love him only b'coz I love You,God.. I wana be with You forever..

Born as a Christian n Die as a Christian.. Its all I wanted ever since You come into my life..

Dear God (Father in Heaven), 

         Listen to my prayer, from the bottom of my heart n from my living soul .. Forgive all my sins, my wrong deeds n my mistakes.. I'm asking for Your forgiveness, dear Lord.. :'( I've repented.. I shouldn't repeat my old mistakes.. But, human being owez did de same mistake n I am one of them. For I am no perfect, I sapos to make mistakes.. But I should be the good daughter of my Lord.. the good person who believe in God.. Thank you for all the blessing that You hav gave me.. I am very thankful for it. Oh God, I long for You. I'm looking for You. Its been a long time since I walked in the darkness, without Your guide n Your love. I need You, dear God.. I owez did. I was lost for a moment, but now I found You back, n I wana be with You. I'll stick with You.. Guide me, Jesus.. Please keep dis feeling inside me forever.. M sincerely love him, if He were meant to be with me, keep his heart for me.. M saying all this things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen..

                                                                                                                    Love,

                                                                                                                            May-May

I've done with my story n my prayer.. All the best for the future. M ready for tomorrow n afterwards..

p/s : I'll owez miss you.. (its kinda stupid cuz I owez think of you ^^)

Hey.. Its Me.. Still May .

Its been a long time, rite?? What shud I say here.. I'm out of words cuz I'm out of mind oready.. My feelin rite now : COMPLICATED. okay, here's de thing, I got bad result for my recent exam.. so, what shud I do?? I feels like I wana jump from a cliff.. oh my God ! I'd promise myself before that I'll put my best effort for my exam.. but, what happened?? I was just playing around all the time.. Bloody hell !! I'm playing a love game ! A stupid game dat had made me go down hill during exam.. So~ good la May.. Dun u know dat u look like an idiot rite now.. ?? :[

M goin to talk about my exam.. so, everything when smooth during Mac, until April knock de door to get in n tell Mac to get out.. APRIL..oh my April. ! what happened during April?? I dun even remember n can't recall it.. I was busy wif sport (not dat I really into dis thing actually).. the result --->> I was damn so tired n most of time was used to SLEEP.. oh he** !! .. Insomniac huh?? Yes, I AM !! but, when it comes to sleepy matter, I can't help myself.. I will sleep like I never did before, n I can sleep for many hours.. Trust me. I dun mind if I didn't got up..

The thing is, b'coz pf my uncontrolable sleep hour, I didn't have ANY time to study for my exam.. N again, last-minute-study is what they called it !. I was thinking at dat moment, they were so WRONG for giving me the title "PELAJAR HARAPAN" during MAPEC.. My goodness, TIADA kesedarankah May?? what happen to you?? You r so-not-like-this kind of person.. There must be something.. some kind of distraction to me..

Yes,there is something happening. I was busy flirting wif someone.. Again, I can't control dis stupid feelin inside of me.. Heart view can be suck samtimes, isn't it?? Oh Heaven, y shud I feel a love at dis moment.. I am a jerk ! Admit it, I like-him-damn-so-much, but face de fact dat I can't-have-him-thou I rili wanted him! HA-HA . so, is it worth to get a bad result for my exam just b'coz of my stupid feelin towards a guy?? The answer is : NO May. That shudn't happened.

M very confused rite now.. I shudn't be like dis.. I rili nid some changes. I dunno what is the thing dat stopping me or blocking me here. I dun think dat there's anything stopping me. My prob is just ME. I'm de main prob here. I still didn't realize de reality now..

Free advice : If  u rili wanted him, get ur weapon (n what is that could be??) n shoot him, then u get him. so, your weapon here May is ur education. In order to get someone into ur arms is thru ur brain, ur excellent result n U b'kam a successfull person, my dear ! Cuz, u can't depends on ur face (I'm not pretty at all nor I hav any beautiness on myself) .. I can only depends on my cleverness (a Gift from GOD)..

so May, what shud u do now? U still have 6 days before you go back to sch (means, the sch-break is over).. U need to change. Finish whatever ur's undone things. Two days to settle avything n I challenge u, MYSELF !! U can make it n u absolutely can do it May.. :)

p/s : realization time. Hey guy, I love you but I need to improve myself first before I can flirt wif u again..hahahaha. *kidding.