Heavy Rain, Heavy Heart.. (,")

Its raining outside now..pretty hard. my heart pushes me to update samting here in my blog.. Lots of things happened recently.. I have hit it off wif my frens.. Its not good to prolong the fight.. Its better to drop avything down n just be good like usual.. Yeah, dats us. We fight a lot, yet we love each other a LOT, n I mean VERY MUCH.. hehehe. anyway, its good to have things back to normal.. we just leave the past n keep on supporting each other. Its common in life, about arguments and bury the hatchet (make peace) ^^

A pretty tired week this week.. guh ! I sleep a lot n went out a lot too.. Lots of works n I nid to run my errands.. I rili nid a good rest this weekend. Look forward to have it.. Hopefully des no obstacle for me to have my good-long-rest.. ~amen.

Its been almost a week I went to sch. I rarely see that person. I prayed each morning to God, asking Him to get rid of dis feeling inside my heart. I dun want that 'gift' anymore. God, please take that love from me. I am very thankful for the gift, but I must say that I am hurt b'coz of dat that gift. A gift that only I just feel it n not for the other party. Its a disaster for me. so, I'm willingly asking you to take back dis love. Its not the right time yet for me. Please keep it for someone who worth it. I remember a quote, saying :

Anda tak perlu susah-susah mencari pemilik tulang rusuk ini, 

kerana biarkan pemilik tulang rusuk

tersebut yang mencari tulang rusuknya..

Absolutely.. we dun have to waste our time looking for someone who meant to be our partner in life. Let Him do His job. He has made that desicion for us. so, for the time being, just focus on your job. Got it ! no worries, no doubt. n dun feel sorry for yourself if you didn't get what chu want.. Just take it as a reality in life that we shud face whether we like it or not.

----> I remember dat night, when I text that person.. Replied : haven't sleep yet.. heavy rain, heavy heart, rite?.. I remember almost avything about that person, but did the person do the same too? The answer is NO. I knew the answer oready, so y do I have to hurt myself? I lied to myself. I'm very cruel to myself. I insist to do something that hurt myself, that killing me inside.. I was empty-headed.. Senseless. Yet, I can't avoid it.

To be honest, I'm trying very hard to take my mind off of avything about the past. After all, past is past. I should'nt waste my time thinking about the past n just prepared for the present day n the future.. That will be more good. Avything gona be fine. Just keep cool. Its not the end of the world yet. Thou I missed the chance, perhaps God has prepared something even good than the one that got away. ~winks.

I say this for a millions time oready, its time to MOVE ON. step forward without looking back. Its okay to be mean for dis kind of situation dat only I know it. so,  dun regret avything that have happened. Its good to learn something new. You might hurt, but you must remember, despite the dark clouds, there is a hidden colorful rainbow. so, being a loser means that you are growing up being more matured. Its a process of learning. 

Thank you for the experience. At least, I learnt that I deserve someone who worth my heart and my love. I will not gona let myself trapped in your charm, nor be under your spell forever.. Its a fantasy world only. I nid to wake up n get back to reality, which sometimes is pretty hard for me to accept. no matter what, I still nid to take it n keep it in my pocket.

I learnt a lot over half of the year. Its an experience that I can't get it or buy it anywhere. I am very grateful for avything. Thank Heaven.

I should leave my by now. Nid to get on my bed.

I love you dearly, Father in Heaven & Jesus Christ. Amen..