Inside That Pain

For once, aku teringin mau menulis apa-2 jak yg bermain dlm fikiranku.Macam skrg. Aku mau latih mindaku utk terus menulis dan berfikir secara kronologi tanpa putus berfikir. Lately, banyak sgt bnd yg bermain2 dlm fikiran ni. Kdg bikin semak kepala jak, tapi itulah kegemaranku, berfikir dan terus berfikir.

Aku tny diriku sendiri, sbnrnya apa yg aku rasa skrg? Apa perasaanku? Apa masalahku? Apa yg menganggu fikiranku? Tapi, aku sendiri ndakda jawapannya. Pelik kan? Nmpk sgt aku sbnrnya stress.

Yaa..Mmg stress pun. Kalau aku stress aku akan layan Korean Drama dri malam sampai subuh. Mula tergila-2kan pelakon hero dlm Kdrama tu, banyak bcerita pasal Kdrama, semua pasal Kdrama. Sbb AKU STRESS. Kalau aku normal manalah aku ada masa mau lyn bnd2 tu semua.

Kan pd hakikatnya aku bukanlah peminat tegar Kpop. Aku lebih suka layan product2 dari Barat. Hahaha.. Tapi tu lah tanda-2 stress ku bila aku suda addicted tgk Kdrama. Ndak lama lg hilang la wabak ni.

Sbnrnya ada certain time aku malas mau pikir masalah jd aku cri lah bnd yg blh distract aku. It is Kdrama.

Tutup cerita Kdrama.

Aku rasa aku gilaaaa suda skrg. Arrgghh. Geram geram..
May, breath in. Breath out. Cool May.. Pikir dgn rasional. Jgn jd gila dulu.. Sabar sabar..

Tgk realiti May. Pandang cermin dan lihat realiti dunia. Jgn stuck dlm situasi yg kau sendiri tak suka.
Do you know how hard have you gone through to be in this stage? Don't ruin everything May. Keep walking forward..
No matter how hard it is. No matter how stress you are right now.
Tears like yesterday won't be the same in the future.. Nan molla. Just what the heaven am I talking about now.. Ugh! Talking crap again.
The fact that, kalau aku stress aku jadi gila.

Sometimes, I draw those happy dream and happy future for myself. And it turns out that those are just things that I can't get in this world. It hurts me so much when I can't get what I want. But who I am to deny the fact that I am not God. I can't decide what I can have and what I don't want in this world.

Yeah, world can be cruel sometimes. But, it is the way of this world. There is no option like 'take it or leave it'. We only have 'take it and suck it'.

Sad fact. I am speechless. I should not have draw those happy dreams and happy future for myself. Because in the end, I will only cry because of it. I hide something inside here, in my heart. And I'm trying to figure out what is it. But still, I don't know. I can't find it. What happened to me?